Polyamory has no single rulebook. Instead, it has a growing library of voices — some playful, some academic, some deeply personal — all trying to map the terrain of love beyond monogamy.

This hub gathers the most influential and widely read books on ethical non-monogamy, organised into categories. From the classics that started it all, to the psychological deep dives, to the newest trauma-aware guides, these are the texts that shape how we talk about ENM today.

Read them critically, take what serves you, and leave what doesn’t. Together, they form the bookshelf every poly library deserves.

🧭 Core Canon: Foundational Polyamory & ENM Books

These are the books that gave people permission to imagine lives outside monogamy. They’re the backbone of ENM literature — flawed, sometimes dated, but still the most widely cited.

🧠 Psychological and Relational Theory in Polyamory

These books look inward, applying psychology, counselling, and attachment theory to explain why ENM feels the way it does. They offer tools for jealousy, resilience, and healing.

💬 Communication, Conflict, and Consent

Polyamory lives or dies on communication. These books give us the frameworks and language to talk about boundaries, resolve conflict, and build cultures of consent.

🔥 Kink, Power, and Relationship Ethics

Consent culture owes much to kink. These books show how BDSM communities pioneered negotiation, boundaries, and accountability, and how those lessons apply to ENM.

📚 Memoirs, Anthologies, and Narrative Work

Sometimes the best way to understand polyamory is through stories — personal, sociological, and messy. These books amplify voices from across the spectrum of ENM.

🔬 Newer and Niche Titles

The latest wave of books expand the conversation, bringing politics, feminism, sociology, and trauma awareness into the poly discourse.

📖 Reference & Practical Workbooks

These are the toolkits — filled with prompts, exercises, and frameworks for rewriting your own relationship scripts. Less theory, more doing.

🏳️‍🌈 Queer Reads & Reflections

Dedicated to N&H, whose Year of Queer Literature reading project inspired this review series celebrating stories of queer love, resilience, and reflection.

Closing Thoughts

This collection spans more than two decades of writing about polyamory and ethical non-monogamy. Some books liberate, some challenge, some frustrate. But together they reflect a growing body of wisdom about how to love, communicate, and build communities outside the monogamous norm.

There’s no single way to “do” ENM — and no single book has all the answers. But by exploring these works, you’ll join a conversation that’s still unfolding, one story, one framework, one radical reimagining at a time.

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About the Author: Gareth Redfern-Shaw

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Gareth is the founder of Consent Culture, a platform focused on consent, kink, ethical non-monogamy, relationship dynamics, and the work of creating safer spaces. His work emphasizes meaningful, judgment-free conversations around communication, harm reduction, and accountability in practice, not just in name. Through Consent Culture, he aims to inspire curiosity, build trust, and support a safer, more connected world.

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