Polyamory has no single rulebook. Instead, it has a growing library of voices — some playful, some academic, some deeply personal — all trying to map the terrain of love beyond monogamy.
This hub gathers the most influential and widely read books on ethical non-monogamy, organised into categories. From the classics that started it all, to the psychological deep dives, to the newest trauma-aware guides, these are the texts that shape how we talk about ENM today.
Read them critically, take what serves you, and leave what doesn’t. Together, they form the bookshelf every poly library deserves.
🧭 Core Canon: Foundational Polyamory & ENM Books
These are the books that gave people permission to imagine lives outside monogamy. They’re the backbone of ENM literature — flawed, sometimes dated, but still the most widely cited.
1.6 Min Read
187 Views
0 Today
A lively, empowering introduction to polyamory that blends practical advice with feminist insight and humour.
0.4 Min Read
31 Views
0 Today
A practical collection of tools for communication, boundary-setting, and emotional navigation in consensual non-monogamy.
1.8 Min Read
229 Views
0 Today
The classic guide that redefined sexual freedom and ethical non-monogamy through joy, consent, and honest communication.
0.8 Min Read
33 Views
1 Today
A clear, affirming guide to building relationships without default scripts, hierarchy, or pressure to escalate.
1.9 Min Read
236 Views
0 Today
A groundbreaking look at attachment theory in consensual non-monogamy and how to build security across multiple relationships.
1.7 Min Read
175 Views
0 Today
3.1 Min Read
244 Views
1 Today
A compassionate, justice-minded re-envisioning of the polyamory classic, centring accountability, empathy, and community.
2.8 Min Read
349 Views
0 Today
A cornerstone polyamory guide exploring autonomy, ethics, and radical honesty in non-monogamous relationships.
1.5 Min Read
153 Views
0 Today
One of the earliest explorations of polyamory as a spiritual and cultural revolution toward love without ownership.
0.6 Min Read
32 Views
0 Today
A therapist-informed guide to navigating conflict, communication, and emotional growth in polyamorous and open relationships.
🧠 Psychological and Relational Theory in Polyamory
These books look inward, applying psychology, counselling, and attachment theory to explain why ENM feels the way it does. They offer tools for jealousy, resilience, and healing.
1.4 Min Read
152 Views
1 Today
Practical exercises and reflections for building secure attachment and resilience in non-monogamous relationships.
0.6 Min Read
36 Views
0 Today
A practical companion to Polysecure, offering exercises to build secure attachment, emotional regulation, and relational resilience in non-monogamous relationships.
1.9 Min Read
126 Views
0 Today
1.8 Min Read
225 Views
3 Today
A hands-on workbook that helps readers unpack, understand, and transform jealousy in poly and open relationships.
1.7 Min Read
195 Views
0 Today
A companion to Polysecure focusing on conflict, differentiation, and long-term health in poly relationships.
1.6 Min Read
125 Views
0 Today
A timeless look at the natural cycles of love and separation, offering compassion and perspective for navigating relationship transitions.
1.6 Min Read
147 Views
0 Today
A hands-on workbook that helps polyamorous people identify attachment styles and build security through self-awareness and reflection.
💬 Communication, Conflict, and Consent
Polyamory lives or dies on communication. These books give us the frameworks and language to talk about boundaries, resolve conflict, and build cultures of consent.
1.6 Min Read
151 Views
0 Today
Mariame Kaba’s powerful essays on abolition, accountability, and transformative justice — offering frameworks for collective healing and repair.
1.9 Min Read
190 Views
0 Today
Betty Martin’s groundbreaking framework for understanding consent, touch, and power — teaching clarity, choice, and genuine generosity in all relationships.
1.8 Min Read
193 Views
1 Today
A transformative exploration of the Wheel of Consent, teaching how clarity in giving and receiving deepens pleasure, connection, and trust.
1.5 Min Read
156 Views
0 Today
A mindfulness-based communication guide combining Buddhist principles with Nonviolent Communication to foster clarity and connection.
1.7 Min Read
307 Views
1 Today
The classic guide to compassionate communication, teaching how to express needs and resolve conflict through empathy and understanding.
🔥 Kink, Power, and Relationship Ethics
Consent culture owes much to kink. These books show how BDSM communities pioneered negotiation, boundaries, and accountability, and how those lessons apply to ENM.
1.6 Min Read
141 Views
0 Today
A thoughtful, trauma-informed guide to repair and accountability in relationships and communities when harm and consent violations occur.
1.6 Min Read
159 Views
0 Today
A sharp cultural critique of straight culture, examining how heteronormative gender roles breed dissatisfaction and limit all forms of intimacy.
1.5 Min Read
173 Views
0 Today
A classic 90s introduction to topping in BDSM, blending humour, safety, and ethics for new dominants.
1.2 Min Read
203 Views
0 Today
A modern, ethical look at dominance and topping as acts of service, communication, and care.
0.9 Min Read
124 Views
0 Today
Empowers submissives to explore surrender, trust, and agency through safe, ethical BDSM practices.
0.8 Min Read
332 Views
0 Today
A compassionate exploration of the mindset and ethics of dominance rooted in confidence and consent.
0.8 Min Read
191 Views
0 Today
Published in 2019, Anton Fulmen’s The Dominance Playbook is less [...]
1.4 Min Read
158 Views
0 Today
Builds on Vol. 1 with advice for deepening submission, sustaining relationships, and self-care in power exchange.
1.6 Min Read
191 Views
0 Today
Sixty-six practical tips for new submissives on safety, communication, and emotional wellbeing in BDSM.
1.5 Min Read
241 Views
0 Today
A realistic, safety-first introduction to sadomasochism covering consent, risk, and communication.
1.5 Min Read
312 Views
1 Today
The essential etiquette and culture guide for navigating kink and BDSM communities with respect, consent, and confidence.
1.6 Min Read
214 Views
0 Today
A structured “training” approach for new dominants focused on ritual, discipline, and communication.
1.6 Min Read
148 Views
0 Today
A practical, embodied approach to understanding consent and setting boundaries in kink, touch work, and everyday relationships.
1.5 Min Read
263 Views
0 Today
A beginner-friendly manual teaching new dominants confidence, communication, and consent fundamentals.
📚 Memoirs, Anthologies, and Narrative Work
Sometimes the best way to understand polyamory is through stories — personal, sociological, and messy. These books amplify voices from across the spectrum of ENM.
3 Min Read
90 Views
0 Today
3.1 Min Read
114 Views
0 Today
Douglas Stuart’s Young Mungo is a raw and tender story of first love between two boys in working-class Glasgow, capturing beauty and brutality in equal measure.
1.4 Min Read
123 Views
0 Today
A short, accessible guide for friends, family, and partners of polyamorous people — offering clarity, reassurance, and answers to common questions.
3 Min Read
86 Views
0 Today
2.7 Min Read
134 Views
0 Today
Laurie Frankel’s heartfelt novel follows a family learning to love, protect, and adapt as their youngest child begins to live openly as herself, exploring gender, change, and unconditional love.
3.1 Min Read
81 Views
0 Today
Alexander Stille’s The Sullivanians unravels the disturbing story of a utopian psychotherapy collective that spiraled into control, manipulation, and abuse—offering chilling insight into power, belief, and the human need to belong.
2.9 Min Read
123 Views
0 Today
Madeline Miller’s award-winning retelling of the Iliad reframes Achilles and Patroclus as lovers, revealing a story of devotion, destiny, and the cost of glory.
1.5 Min Read
186 Views
1 Today
A groundbreaking sociological study of polyamorous families, exploring parenting, stigma, community, and the everyday realities of life beyond monogamy.
2.7 Min Read
128 Views
0 Today
Emily M. Danforth’s coming-of-age novel explores self-discovery, repression, and resilience as a queer teen sent to a conversion camp learns to define her own truth.
4 Min Read
174 Views
1 Today
John Boyne’s sweeping novel follows Cyril Avery across decades of Irish history, tracing a tender, often heartbreaking arc of queerness, shame, love, and chosen family.
2.9 Min Read
167 Views
0 Today
Rebecca Makkai’s sweeping novel bridges 1980s Chicago and modern Paris, tracing the ripple effects of love, art, and loss across generations living through the AIDS crisis.
2.5 Min Read
132 Views
0 Today
Tomasz Jedrowski’s lyrical novel traces a tender first love between two young men in 1980s communist Poland, where desire collides with ideology and conscience.
1.4 Min Read
127 Views
0 Today
A diverse collection of personal stories from polyamorous people, sharing honest, funny, and heartfelt experiences of love, family, and community.
2.9 Min Read
114 Views
1 Today
Leslie Feinberg’s Stone Butch Blues is a landmark of queer and trans literature — a raw, compassionate portrait of working-class life, survival, and identity beyond language.
2.8 Min Read
106 Views
1 Today
Brandon Taylor’s Real Life is a quiet storm of a novel—an unflinching portrait of race, queerness, and isolation in the sterile corridors of academia.
2.8 Min Read
111 Views
0 Today
Andrea Lawlor’s genre-bending novel follows a shapeshifting queer protagonist through the 1990s, blurring boundaries of gender, desire, and identity with raw joy and rebellion.
3 Min Read
137 Views
0 Today
Virginia Woolf’s Orlando is a dazzling, time-traveling exploration of gender, identity, and art—centuries ahead of its time and still shaping how we talk about transformation today.
3 Min Read
188 Views
0 Today
Imogen Binnie’s Nevada is a raw, funny, and fiercely honest trans classic that redefined queer fiction through its uncompromising voice and emotional truth.
3.2 Min Read
187 Views
1 Today
1.5 Min Read
152 Views
0 Today
A vital exploration of how race, privilege, and intersectionality shape polyamorous communities, calling for greater inclusion and accountability.
1.6 Min Read
124 Views
0 Today
An honest, inclusive, and kink-aware guide to the realities of polyamory — blending personal stories, practical advice, and compassionate insight.
3.1 Min Read
108 Views
0 Today
Carmen Maria Machado’s In the Dream House is a groundbreaking, genre-shifting memoir that confronts queer domestic abuse with poetic precision, structural daring, and emotional clarity.
2.9 Min Read
113 Views
0 Today
Casey McQuiston’s sharp and funny YA novel turns a Southern Christian high school into a queer scavenger hunt of identity, rebellion, and first love.
3 Min Read
75 Views
0 Today
Saeed Jones’s How We Fight for Our Lives is a fierce, intimate coming-of-age memoir about Black queer identity, family, desire, and the struggle to claim a life that is fully one’s own.
2.8 Min Read
93 Views
0 Today
Edgar Gomez’s memoir blends humor, vulnerability, and cultural critique as he explores growing up queer and Latinx, navigating masculinity, identity, and belonging.
2.8 Min Read
151 Views
0 Today
James Baldwin’s 1956 masterpiece remains one of the most enduring explorations of love, shame, and identity, tracing a young man’s struggle between desire and denial in postwar Paris.
2.9 Min Read
74 Views
0 Today
Alison Bechdel’s Fun Home is a groundbreaking graphic memoir weaving sexuality, family secrets, and self-discovery into a visually stunning, emotionally layered narrative.
2.6 Min Read
157 Views
0 Today
Torrey Peters’ breakthrough novel explores gender, parenthood, and the messy hope of chosen family as three adults consider an unexpected co-parenting path.
2.9 Min Read
88 Views
0 Today
Billy-Ray Belcourt’s poetic memoir weaves Indigeneity, queerness, and grief into a luminous meditation on love, resistance, and the body as both wound and wonder.
🔬 Newer and Niche Titles
The latest wave of books expand the conversation, bringing politics, feminism, sociology, and trauma awareness into the poly discourse.
1.8 Min Read
180 Views
1 Today
A bold, political exploration of love, care, and connection under capitalism — reimagining intimacy, community, and freedom beyond monogamy and the market.
1.6 Min Read
205 Views
0 Today
A trauma-informed guide to conscious, compassionate open relationships, blending psychology, storytelling, and practical tools for healing and connection.
0.6 Min Read
24 Views
0 Today
A trauma-aware guide to practicing non-monogamy with emotional depth, accountability, and nervous-system awareness.
1.5 Min Read
142 Views
0 Today
A counselling-based guide to navigating the emotional challenges of polyamory — from jealousy and insecurity to communication, boundaries, and balance.
1.5 Min Read
136 Views
0 Today
A feminist critique of modern romance myths, exposing how cultural ideals about love, gender, and emotional labour shape and limit our relationships.
1.5 Min Read
134 Views
0 Today
A feminist and queer theory exploration of polyamory that examines how non-monogamy challenges — and sometimes replicates — gender, power, and social norms.
📖 Reference & Practical Workbooks
These are the toolkits — filled with prompts, exercises, and frameworks for rewriting your own relationship scripts. Less theory, more doing.
1.6 Min Read
152 Views
1 Today
A compassionate, practical guide for anxious people navigating open relationships and polyamory, offering tools for security, self-trust, and communication.
1.5 Min Read
151 Views
0 Today
Encourages readers to question cultural rules about love, sex, and monogamy and write their own scripts.
1.5 Min Read
220 Views
0 Today
A hands-on guide for designing intentional, customised monogamous or polyamorous relationships.
🏳️🌈 Queer Reads & Reflections
Dedicated to N&H, whose Year of Queer Literature reading project inspired this review series celebrating stories of queer love, resilience, and reflection.
3 Min Read
90 Views
0 Today
Audre Lorde’s Zami blends memoir, myth, and erotic truth into a powerful biomythography of Black lesbian identity, survival, and self-invention.
3.1 Min Read
114 Views
0 Today
Douglas Stuart’s Young Mungo is a raw and tender story of first love between two boys in working-class Glasgow, capturing beauty and brutality in equal measure.
3 Min Read
86 Views
0 Today
Rahul Kanakia’s We Are Totally Normal is a messy, honest, and deeply human YA novel about fluid sexuality, friendship, and the uncertainty of growing up queer.
2.7 Min Read
134 Views
0 Today
Laurie Frankel’s heartfelt novel follows a family learning to love, protect, and adapt as their youngest child begins to live openly as herself, exploring gender, change, and unconditional love.
3.1 Min Read
81 Views
0 Today
Alexander Stille’s The Sullivanians unravels the disturbing story of a utopian psychotherapy collective that spiraled into control, manipulation, and abuse—offering chilling insight into power, belief, and the human need to belong.
2.9 Min Read
123 Views
0 Today
Madeline Miller’s award-winning retelling of the Iliad reframes Achilles and Patroclus as lovers, revealing a story of devotion, destiny, and the cost of glory.
2.7 Min Read
128 Views
0 Today
Emily M. Danforth’s coming-of-age novel explores self-discovery, repression, and resilience as a queer teen sent to a conversion camp learns to define her own truth.
4 Min Read
174 Views
1 Today
John Boyne’s sweeping novel follows Cyril Avery across decades of Irish history, tracing a tender, often heartbreaking arc of queerness, shame, love, and chosen family.
2.9 Min Read
167 Views
0 Today
Rebecca Makkai’s sweeping novel bridges 1980s Chicago and modern Paris, tracing the ripple effects of love, art, and loss across generations living through the AIDS crisis.
2.5 Min Read
132 Views
0 Today
Tomasz Jedrowski’s lyrical novel traces a tender first love between two young men in 1980s communist Poland, where desire collides with ideology and conscience.
2.9 Min Read
114 Views
1 Today
Leslie Feinberg’s Stone Butch Blues is a landmark of queer and trans literature — a raw, compassionate portrait of working-class life, survival, and identity beyond language.
2.8 Min Read
106 Views
1 Today
Brandon Taylor’s Real Life is a quiet storm of a novel—an unflinching portrait of race, queerness, and isolation in the sterile corridors of academia.
2.8 Min Read
111 Views
0 Today
Andrea Lawlor’s genre-bending novel follows a shapeshifting queer protagonist through the 1990s, blurring boundaries of gender, desire, and identity with raw joy and rebellion.
3 Min Read
137 Views
0 Today
Virginia Woolf’s Orlando is a dazzling, time-traveling exploration of gender, identity, and art—centuries ahead of its time and still shaping how we talk about transformation today.
3 Min Read
188 Views
0 Today
Imogen Binnie’s Nevada is a raw, funny, and fiercely honest trans classic that redefined queer fiction through its uncompromising voice and emotional truth.
3.2 Min Read
187 Views
1 Today
Rasheed Newson’s debut novel follows a young gay man who flees his wealthy family to find freedom, identity, and community amid New York’s 1980s AIDS crisis.
3.1 Min Read
108 Views
0 Today
Carmen Maria Machado’s In the Dream House is a groundbreaking, genre-shifting memoir that confronts queer domestic abuse with poetic precision, structural daring, and emotional clarity.
2.9 Min Read
113 Views
0 Today
Casey McQuiston’s sharp and funny YA novel turns a Southern Christian high school into a queer scavenger hunt of identity, rebellion, and first love.
3 Min Read
75 Views
0 Today
Saeed Jones’s How We Fight for Our Lives is a fierce, intimate coming-of-age memoir about Black queer identity, family, desire, and the struggle to claim a life that is fully one’s own.
2.8 Min Read
93 Views
0 Today
Edgar Gomez’s memoir blends humor, vulnerability, and cultural critique as he explores growing up queer and Latinx, navigating masculinity, identity, and belonging.
2.8 Min Read
151 Views
0 Today
James Baldwin’s 1956 masterpiece remains one of the most enduring explorations of love, shame, and identity, tracing a young man’s struggle between desire and denial in postwar Paris.
2.9 Min Read
74 Views
0 Today
Alison Bechdel’s Fun Home is a groundbreaking graphic memoir weaving sexuality, family secrets, and self-discovery into a visually stunning, emotionally layered narrative.
2.6 Min Read
157 Views
0 Today
Torrey Peters’ breakthrough novel explores gender, parenthood, and the messy hope of chosen family as three adults consider an unexpected co-parenting path.
2.9 Min Read
88 Views
0 Today
Billy-Ray Belcourt’s poetic memoir weaves Indigeneity, queerness, and grief into a luminous meditation on love, resistance, and the body as both wound and wonder.
Closing Thoughts
This collection spans more than two decades of writing about polyamory and ethical non-monogamy. Some books liberate, some challenge, some frustrate. But together they reflect a growing body of wisdom about how to love, communicate, and build communities outside the monogamous norm.
There’s no single way to “do” ENM — and no single book has all the answers. But by exploring these works, you’ll join a conversation that’s still unfolding, one story, one framework, one radical reimagining at a time.
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