Published in 2021, The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy is exactly what it sounds like: a reassuring, practical companion for anyone whose inner monologue sounds like, “But what if they leave me? What if I’m not enough? What if I can’t handle this?” Where other poly books can feel lofty or idealistic, Phoenix writes directly to the reader whose stomach drops every time a partner mentions a date.

What It’s About

Phoenix, a writer and advice columnist with lived experience in ENM, weaves together personal stories, reader questions, and concrete exercises. The book acknowledges upfront that non-monogamy often magnifies existing fears of abandonment, rejection, and comparison — and that’s not a reason to quit, but a reason to approach with care.

Core themes include:

• Normalising anxiety. You’re not broken for struggling — many people feel this way.
• Practical coping. Grounding exercises, journaling prompts, and reframing techniques for jealousy and insecurity.
• Boundaries and self-talk. Learning to separate “what’s happening” from “what I’m imagining.”
• Compassionate tone. Written as if Phoenix is walking beside you, not preaching from a pedestal.

Strengths

• Friendly and approachable. The conversational style makes it easy to read, even in the middle of a spiral.
• Focused. Instead of trying to cover all of polyamory, it zeroes in on one of the hardest emotional challenges.
• Validating. Readers feel seen in their struggles, not judged.

Weaknesses

• Narrow scope. It’s about managing anxiety, not the broader design of poly relationships.
• Less clinical depth. Compared to Jessica Fern’s attachment-focused books, it’s lighter on theory and psychology.
• Repetitive. Some readers may find the advice loops around similar coping strategies.

Why It Still Matters

Not everyone approaches non-monogamy with fearless confidence — in fact, most don’t. The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy fills a crucial gap by speaking directly to the people who might otherwise give up on ENM because of fear. It’s a reminder that anxiety isn’t the end of the story; it’s something that can be worked with, gently and compassionately.

For anxious folks, this book is like a warm blanket: not the most comprehensive guide to ENM, but one that helps you breathe easier while you figure the rest out.

Related reading

These pieces continue the same thread around books and resource reviews.

• Attachment Theory Workbook for Polyamory – Lauren Nash
• The Smart Girl’s Guide to Polyamory – Dedeker Winston
• Polysecure – Jessica Fern