Dedicated to N&H, whose Year of Queer Literature reading project inspired this review series celebrating stories of queer love, resilience, and reflection.

We Are Totally Normal (2020) by Rahul Kanakia is a refreshingly awkward and emotionally intelligent novel that refuses to simplify sexuality into neat categories. Centering Nandan, a high school junior trying to figure out who he is—and who he wants—after a confusing romantic encounter with his male friend Dave, Kanakia captures the chaos of adolescence with humor and compassion. It’s not about labels or arrival; it’s about fumbling forward, making mistakes, and learning that being queer doesn’t always mean having answers.

This is a book for anyone who ever felt out of sync with the story they were supposed to live. Kanakia doesn’t moralize or idealize; instead, they show the beauty of confusion, the courage of imperfection, and the truth that queerness is rarely linear.

What it’s about

Nandan considers himself straight until an impulsive night with his friend Dave changes everything. Unsure of what the experience means, he starts dating a girl named Avani while trying to reconcile his feelings for Dave. What follows is a painfully honest exploration of friendship, identity, and the messiness of love in an age where everyone seems to have a label except you. Told with wit and restraint, the novel balances teenage awkwardness with emotional depth.

Readers who appreciated the emotional realism of This Is How It Always Is or the humor and heart of I Kissed Shara Wheeler will find We Are Totally Normal a valuable addition to the growing canon of queer YA that embraces complexity over certainty.

Major themes

Fluidity and self-definition

Kanakia dismantles the myth that sexuality is a puzzle with one correct solution. Nandan’s uncertainty isn’t immaturity—it’s authenticity. The novel normalizes experimentation and questions without shame. For related reflections, see Be Curious and Communicate.

Friendship and romantic tension

The blurred lines between friendship and romance create the story’s heartbeat. Kanakia portrays intimacy between boys with vulnerability and warmth, refusing toxic tropes of rivalry or repression. For essays on emotional honesty and consent, see Comfort Violations.

Labels, community, and belonging

Nandan’s journey reflects a generation raised on visibility yet still searching for nuance. Kanakia’s writing challenges the pressure to define oneself before one is ready, making space for fluidity and personal timing. For broader context on identity in community, visit The Shape of Truth.

Strengths

• Authenticity: Nandan’s confusion and growth feel lived-in, not contrived.
• Dialogue: Sharp, realistic conversations that capture the rhythms of teenage thought.
• Emotional intelligence: Kanakia writes adolescence without condescension or idealization.

Where it may not work for everyone

• Ambiguous tone: The novel’s realism may feel unresolved or unsatisfying to readers seeking closure.
• Cringe factor: Its honesty about teenage self-absorption can be uncomfortable—by design.
• Subtle arc: The plot’s emotional shifts are quiet, requiring patience and empathy.

Why it matters now

We Are Totally Normal is a rare YA book that captures the in-between spaces of identity with grace and humor. In a time when representation often relies on clarity, Kanakia reminds us that uncertainty can be just as powerful. The novel gives permission to question, to change, and to be incomplete—a radical affirmation for queer youth and adults alike. For parallel discussions on honesty and repair, see The Art of No and Why We Should Drop the E from ENM.

“It’s okay not to know what you are. The knowing can wait.”

Conversation prompts

• How does the book redefine queerness beyond labels?
• Why is confusion so often mistaken for shame?
• What can adults learn from stories that leave questions open?
• When did you first realize that identity could be a process, not a product?

Adjacent reads & reflections

• For humor and heart: I Kissed Shara Wheeler.
• For tender family dynamics: This Is How It Always Is.
• For queer adolescence and courage: The Miseducation of Cameron Post.

Closing reflection

Rahul Kanakia’s We Are Totally Normal captures the uncertainty of becoming with humor, empathy, and startling honesty. It’s a reminder that growth isn’t about certainty—it’s about curiosity. In the mess of figuring out who we are, there’s freedom, and maybe even joy. Because sometimes, being “totally normal” means daring to be utterly yourself.