Published in 2017, Dedeker Winston’s The Smart Girl’s Guide to Polyamory: Everything You Need to Know About Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy, and Alternative Love quickly carved out its place as one of the most approachable, affirming introductions to polyamory. Written in a lively, conversational style, it positions itself as a manual primarily for women — but its insights are useful for anyone curious about non-monogamy.

What It’s About

Winston, co-host of the Multiamory podcast, brings both personal experience and community knowledge into a book that balances practical advice with empowerment. Major themes include:

• Poly basics. An accessible breakdown of what polyamory is (and isn’t), and how it differs from other forms of ENM.
• Jealousy and insecurity. Tools for navigating difficult emotions without shame.
• Communication. Scripts and strategies for having the conversations that make poly work.
• Dating and relationships. How to meet partners, manage multiple relationships, and avoid common pitfalls.
• Identity and empowerment. Encouraging women in particular to reject societal scripts about ownership, scarcity, and competition.
• Community wisdom. Stories and examples drawn from real poly lives.

Strengths

• Engaging voice. Winston writes with humour, relatability, and a down-to-earth tone.
• Practical advice. Offers actionable tips while keeping things accessible.
• Empowerment focus. Especially resonates with women who are unlearning patriarchal scripts around love and sex.
• Cultural contribution. Helped bring polyamory into more mainstream conversation in the late 2010s.

Weaknesses

• Framed for women. While marketed toward “smart girls,” men and nonbinary readers may need to do some translating to see themselves in the material.
• Lighter on theory. Doesn’t dive as deeply into psychology or attachment as books like Polysecure.
• Intro-level. Best for newcomers; seasoned poly readers may find much of it familiar.

Why It Still Matters

The Smart Girl’s Guide to Polyamory stands out for its tone as much as its content: friendly, affirming, and playful without shying away from the challenges of ENM. For women in particular, it has been an empowering entry point into non-monogamy, countering narratives of scarcity and competition with ones of abundance and agency.

While it’s not as theory-heavy as More Than Two or as psychologically grounded as Polysecure, it remains a highly recommended starting point — a book that makes readers feel both capable and supported in exploring polyamory.

Related reading

These pieces continue the same thread around books and resource reviews.

• It’s Called Polyamory – Tamara Pincus & Rebecca Hiles
• Opening Up – Tristan Taormino
• Polysecure – Jessica Fern