If The Ethical Slut was about freedom and joy, and More Than Two was about philosophy and structure, then Polysecure is about psychology — specifically, attachment theory. Published in 2020, Jessica Fern’s book immediately became a touchstone because it tackled something no other ENM text had really gone deep on: how our attachment styles affect the way we love more than one person.

What It’s About

Polysecure takes the familiar framework of attachment theory (secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganised styles) and applies it directly to non-monogamy. Fern argues that thriving in ENM isn’t just about communication and agreements — it’s about cultivating attachment security even while navigating multiple relationships.

The book is split into two big movements:

1. The theory. Fern lays out attachment styles, how they develop, and how they show up in poly dynamics (for instance: an anxious partner struggling when their lover goes on a date, or an avoidant partner using poly as an excuse to avoid intimacy).
2. The practice. She introduces six “pillars of attachment security” that can be built intentionally: things like consistency, responsiveness, and shared reality. These pillars become tools to create security in yourself, with each partner, and across the network.

Strengths

• A missing link. Before this, poly books mostly talked about jealousy as something to overcome. Fern reframes it: jealousy often isn’t about envy, it’s about attachment insecurity. That shift is huge.
• Therapist’s clarity. Fern writes with a clean, structured voice. The book balances compassion with practicality, and the exercises make it feel like a guided workbook at times.
• Inclusive lens. Fern acknowledges trauma, neurodivergence, and queer realities in a way earlier texts often skimmed past.

Weaknesses

• Therapy-heavy. For some readers, the psychological framing can feel clinical or abstract. If you came for a sexy manifesto, this isn’t it.
• Self-work required. Fern makes it clear: attachment wounds don’t magically fix themselves with good communication. For some, the book exposes a mountain of personal work they weren’t ready to face.
• Limited focus. The book is brilliant on attachment but lighter on practical logistics of poly life (schedules, parenting, money, etc.).

Why It Still Matters

Polysecure is the book that turned the mirror inward. Instead of only asking, “How do I manage multiple relationships?” it asks, “How do I make myself and my partners feel safe, loved, and grounded while doing this?” For many ENM folks, it’s the missing piece that explains why their carefully negotiated agreements still collapse under stress.

It doesn’t replace The Ethical Slut or More Than Two — it complements them. And for anyone who’s ever spiralled while waiting for a partner to text back after a date, it’s nothing short of a revelation.

Have a look at The Polysecure Workbook also by Jessica Fern.

Related reading

These pieces continue the same thread around books and resource reviews.

• The Smart Girl’s Guide to Polyamory – Dedeker Winston
• Attachment Theory Workbook for Polyamory – Lauren Nash
• The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy – Lola Phoenix