Published in 2015, Designer Relationships: A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships takes a step back from polyamory as an identity and instead frames it as one option on a menu. Michaels and Johnson, longtime sex educators and Tantra teachers, invite readers to intentionally design the kind of relationship that works for them, whether monogamous, non-monogamous, or somewhere in between.

What It’s About

The core idea is that relationships shouldn’t be one-size-fits-all — they should be customised. Using stories, frameworks, and reflective questions, the authors help readers move beyond default cultural scripts and instead craft intentional agreements.

Key themes include:

• Relational autonomy. Choosing what’s right for your relationship, not what culture prescribes.
• Spectrum of openness. Recognising many shades of monogamy, polyamory, and open arrangements.
• Practical design. Creating agreements around sex, love, money, parenting, and community.
• Optimism. Instead of focusing on problems, the book highlights the joy of intentionality.

Strengths

• Inclusive. Unlike most poly books, it validates monogamy too — as long as it’s a conscious choice.
• Design-oriented. Offers concrete guidance for co-creating agreements tailored to each relationship.
• Accessible tone. It’s friendly, encouraging, and not overly academic.

Weaknesses

• Less depth on ENM specifics. Because it covers everything from monogamy to poly, it doesn’t dive as deeply into the unique challenges of polyamory as books like More Than Two.
• Tantric influence. Some readers may find the spiritual framing appealing; others may find it off-putting.
• Simplification. Complex issues like trauma or systemic inequality are glossed over in favour of a “you can design it!” optimism.

Why It Still Matters

Designer Relationships is a refreshing counterpoint to poly books that sometimes overprescribe. Instead of insisting you must embrace one model, it says: you get to decide. For poly folks, it’s useful in encouraging intentionality; for mixed-orientation couples (where one partner wants poly, the other doesn’t), it’s especially helpful in showing that there are many possible structures to negotiate.

At its best, the book is a reminder that ethical relationships are chosen, not defaulted. That message resonates across the whole spectrum — mono, open, poly, or otherwise.