First published in 2021, The Wheel of Consent: The Practice of Receiving and Giving by Dr. Betty Martin is one of the most influential frameworks to emerge from modern consent culture. More than just a book, it’s the culmination of decades of Martin’s work as a sex educator and bodyworker, distilled into a simple yet profound tool that reshapes how we think about touch, power, and generosity — in sex, relationships, and everyday life.

What It’s About

The Wheel of Consent started as a visual model Martin developed for her workshops. It breaks down interactions into two axes: Who is doing? and Who is it for? When those two questions are answered clearly, four “quadrants” emerge — Giving, Receiving, Taking, and Allowing.

At its heart, the Wheel teaches that consent isn’t just about permission — it’s about clarity. By naming who an action is for, we begin to see where boundaries blur, where guilt or people-pleasing sneak in, and where genuine generosity lives.

The book walks readers through:

• The Four Quadrants. Understanding the difference between doing for someone else (giving) and doing for yourself (taking), as well as allowing and receiving.
• Embodiment exercises. Practical ways to feel these distinctions in your body through touch, awareness, and communication.
• Cultural conditioning. How social scripts — especially gendered ones — distort our ability to identify and voice what we want.
• Everyday consent. Applying the Wheel beyond sexuality: in friendships, workplaces, and parenting.
• Power, trust, and choice. Exploring how genuine consent deepens intimacy and self-knowledge.

Strengths

• Transformative clarity. The Wheel’s genius lies in its simplicity — once you grasp it, it changes how you see every interaction.
• Embodied learning. Martin doesn’t just tell you about consent; she invites you to feel it.
• Universality. Although born in sex education, the model applies anywhere power, care, or boundaries exist.
• Ethical depth. It roots consent not in rules but in self-awareness, honesty, and mutual respect.

Weaknesses

• Workshop-heavy context. The book’s many exercises can be challenging without a partner or facilitator.
• Abstract sections. Some readers may struggle to visualise the quadrants without hands-on experience.
• Gentle pace. The tone is patient and meditative — ideal for some, slow for others looking for quick takeaways.

Why It Still Matters

In a world that often mistakes politeness for consent and compliance for generosity, The Wheel of Consent is quietly revolutionary. It teaches that saying “yes” is only meaningful if we understand what we’re saying yes to — and for whom.

For polyamorous, kinky, and sex-positive communities, Martin’s work provides the ethical backbone that every negotiation, boundary, and moment of touch depends on. But even outside those spaces, it’s a profound guide to living more honestly, kindly, and consciously with others.

If Consent Culture had a blueprint, this would be it.