Published in 2021, The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy is exactly what it sounds like: a reassuring, practical companion for anyone whose inner monologue sounds like, “But what if they leave me? What if I’m not enough? What if I can’t handle this?” Where other poly books can feel lofty or idealistic, Phoenix writes directly to the reader whose stomach drops every time a partner mentions a date.

What It’s About

Phoenix, a writer and advice columnist with lived experience in ENM, weaves together personal stories, reader questions, and concrete exercises. The book acknowledges upfront that non-monogamy often magnifies existing fears of abandonment, rejection, and comparison — and that’s not a reason to quit, but a reason to approach with care.

Core themes include:

• Normalising anxiety. You’re not broken for struggling — many people feel this way.
• Practical coping. Grounding exercises, journaling prompts, and reframing techniques for jealousy and insecurity.
• Boundaries and self-talk. Learning to separate “what’s happening” from “what I’m imagining.”
• Compassionate tone. Written as if Phoenix is walking beside you, not preaching from a pedestal.

Strengths

• Friendly and approachable. The conversational style makes it easy to read, even in the middle of a spiral.
• Focused. Instead of trying to cover all of polyamory, it zeroes in on one of the hardest emotional challenges.
• Validating. Readers feel seen in their struggles, not judged.

Weaknesses

• Narrow scope. It’s about managing anxiety, not the broader design of poly relationships.
• Less clinical depth. Compared to Jessica Fern’s attachment-focused books, it’s lighter on theory and psychology.
• Repetitive. Some readers may find the advice loops around similar coping strategies.

Why It Still Matters

Not everyone approaches non-monogamy with fearless confidence — in fact, most don’t. The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy fills a crucial gap by speaking directly to the people who might otherwise give up on ENM because of fear. It’s a reminder that anxiety isn’t the end of the story; it’s something that can be worked with, gently and compassionately.

For anxious folks, this book is like a warm blanket: not the most comprehensive guide to ENM, but one that helps you breathe easier while you figure the rest out.