Published in 2017, It’s Called Polyamory takes a refreshingly honest, no-frills approach to non-monogamy. Where other books aim for philosophy (More Than Two), research (The Polyamorous Next Door), or therapeutic frameworks (Polysecure), this one is more like sitting down with two friends who’ve been around the block and are willing to tell you the good, the bad, and the downright messy.

What It’s About

Pincus, a sex therapist, and Hiles, a writer and educator, draw from their own experiences in poly and kink communities to create a guidebook that blends personal narrative, inclusive advice, and practical tools.

The book covers:

• The basics. Definitions of polyamory, open relationships, and related terms.
• Challenges. Jealousy, time management, stigma, and the emotional rollercoaster of juggling multiple relationships.
• Intersectionality. Attention to queerness, disability, mental health, and kink — groups often left out of mainstream poly discussions.
• Realism. The authors don’t shy away from awkward or painful realities, including their own missteps.

Strengths

• Inclusive lens. This is one of the few poly books that actively includes queer, kinky, and disabled perspectives without treating them as side notes.
• Candid tone. It’s not idealised — it acknowledges how messy ENM can be and still finds humour and warmth in it.
• Relatable. It feels conversational, accessible, and grounded in lived experience rather than lofty abstraction.

Weaknesses

• Less polished. Compared to the big “canon” books, this one feels more grassroots in style.
• Not deeply structured. It doesn’t build a grand theory of polyamory; it’s more like a patchwork of insights.
• May feel basic. For seasoned poly folks, much of the material may feel like a recap.

Why It Still Matters

It’s Called Polyamory fills an important gap by making the conversation more inclusive and down-to-earth. It’s the kind of book you give to someone who doesn’t need high theory or a 500-page treatise — they just want to know what this life looks like, warts and all, and to hear from voices that reflect diverse realities.

It won’t replace The Ethical Slut or Polysecure in terms of influence, but it adds texture to the library: a reminder that polyamory isn’t just a concept, it’s a lived experience that is queer, kinky, disabled, messy, and real.

Related reading

These pieces continue the same thread around books and resource reviews.

• Opening Up – Tristan Taormino
• The Smart Girl’s Guide to Polyamory – Dedeker Winston
• Love in Abundance – Kathy Labriola