There’s a saying that there are three sides to every story: yours, mine, and the truth.
In relationships, break-ups, and especially in consent culture, those sides can become miles apart. The louder one side shouts, the more believable it can sound—but volume isn’t accuracy.

Listening to One Side Isn’t Listening to the Truth

When a conflict erupts, communities often rush to “believe” someone. Belief matters; it protects people who’ve been harmed. But belief without curiosity can turn into assumption. If we only hear one voice and decide that’s the truth, we don’t know the truth—we know their truth.

I’ve seen this happen in play spaces and communities that pride themselves on safety and consent. A club hears a rumour or receives a report, and instead of investigating, it issues bans or warnings behind closed doors. Sometimes the rules are enforced strictly; other times they’re ignored if the accused is close friends with leadership. That inconsistency doesn’t build safety—it erodes it.

When I Became “The Story”

Years ago, after leaving a relationship that had become emotionally abusive, I watched my own community fracture. People who never saw the private side of that relationship decided I must be lying, or said they “didn’t want to take sides.” But silence is a side. When people choose to hear only one version, they stop seeing the humans inside the story.

That experience taught me how fragile truth becomes once it leaves the room where it happened. I kept journals—pages of what was actually said—because writing was the only way to hold onto reality. Therapy helped me see that what I’d lived through wasn’t a failure of love; it was a collision of two people’s wounds.

I’ve been in relationships that became unsafe for me emotionally, and others where I stayed too long trying to fix what couldn’t be fixed.

Patterns, Not Villains

Across years and several relationships, I’ve recognised patterns: communication breaking down, boundaries blurred, emotions running high until everything collapsed. I’m not proud of every moment. I’ve shut down, avoided, reacted poorly. The people I dated weren’t villains, and I wasn’t a victim. We were two (sometimes three) imperfect humans trying—and failing—to love well while carrying our own unhealed pain.

That’s why I don’t write about people as diagnoses. Mental health terms belong in therapy rooms, not in public blame. What matters is the behaviour, the impact, and the learning that follows.

For resources on navigating mental-health dynamics in relationships, visit our Mental Health Hub.

The Noise Around “Outing” and Public Accusations

In consent culture, public call-outs can save lives—and they can also destroy them unfairly. I believe in accountability, but I also believe in context. If someone makes a claim, investigate. Ask questions. Listen to everyone involved. Because truth rarely shouts; it usually sits quietly between conflicting stories, waiting for someone patient enough to hear it.

When we skip that process and rely on outrage alone, we risk turning justice into punishment and communities into echo chambers.

What I’ve Learned About Truth

• Truth isn’t a weapon. It’s an invitation to understand.
• Hurt people can tell true stories through distorted lenses.
• Silence can be self-protection, not guilt.
• Listening to both sides is an act of consent culture itself.

I’ve mediated enough conflicts to know that the person who goes quiet isn’t always the one who’s wrong. Sometimes they’re just exhausted, trying to preserve what’s left of their mental health while the other side fights to win the narrative.

Moving Forward

I can’t control who believes me or what rumours circulate. What I can do is keep showing up with transparency, humility, and care. I can keep inviting dialogue instead of division. And I can keep reminding communities that believing survivors and investigating claims are not opposites—they are both parts of finding the truth.

Because the truth is rarely found in the shouting.
It lives in the middle, between the stories, waiting for all of us to listen.