Key takeaways

• Boundaries are not punishments; they are expressions of self-respect.
• Resentment often signals a boundary that has not been set.
• You cannot control others, only your responses and availability.
• Healthy boundaries support connection rather than destroy it.

Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and myself at the same time.

Set Boundaries, Find Peace is a highly accessible, practice-oriented book about one of the most misunderstood skills in relationships. Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab focuses on everyday boundary challenges in families, friendships, work, and romantic relationships, emphasizing clarity over confrontation.

What this book is about

The book reframes boundaries as limits on behavior, time, and emotional labor rather than attempts to control others. Tawwab provides concrete examples of how boundaries can be stated calmly and enforced consistently without escalation.

• Identifying boundary violations. Recognizing patterns that create burnout or resentment.
• Boundary language. Simple, direct phrasing that avoids over-explanation.
• Guilt and pushback. Managing emotional responses when boundaries are challenged.
• Consistency. Why follow-through matters more than tone.

Why this matters for ENM

Nonmonogamous relationships often require more explicit boundary work than monogamous ones. This book offers tools that translate well to polyamory, especially around time, emotional labor, and availability. It supports boundaries that are firm without being punitive.

Strengths

• Extremely practical. Readers can apply concepts immediately.
• Non-shaming. Acknowledges how hard boundary-setting can be.
• Broadly applicable. Useful across many relationship types.

Limitations

• Not theory-heavy. Readers seeking deep psychology may want companion texts.
• Individual focus. Less attention to systemic or cultural power dynamics.

Why it still matters

Many relational conflicts persist not because people disagree, but because limits are unclear or unenforced. Set Boundaries, Find Peace gives readers permission to protect their energy without severing connection.

Related reading

• Boundaries and Consent – Erica Scott
• The Relationship Bill of Rights – Eve Rickert