Key takeaways

• Jealousy is not proof that nonmonogamy is failing.
• Jealousy contains information about needs, fear, and boundaries.
• Managing jealousy is a shared responsibility.
• Suppression and shame cause more harm than the feeling itself.

Jealousy is not a flaw to eliminate. It is a signal to understand.

Nonmonogamy and Jealousy reframes one of the most feared emotions in consensual nonmonogamy. Rather than treating jealousy as something to overcome through endurance, Eve Rickert approaches it as a meaningful emotional response that deserves curiosity and care.

What this book focuses on

The book asks a different question than most jealousy advice: not “How do I stop feeling this?” but “What is this feeling trying to tell me?” Jealousy is examined as a composite emotion, often rooted in fear of loss, insecurity, unmet needs, or unclear agreements.

• Decoding jealousy. Separating fear, comparison, and insecurity.
• Shared responsibility. Partners have obligations to communicate and offer reassurance.
• Boundaries vs control. Learning when jealousy points to incompatibility rather than insecurity.

Why it still matters

This book directly counters the idea that ethical nonmonogamy requires emotional self-erasure. By legitimizing jealousy as information rather than failure, it helps people build relationships that are resilient rather than performative.

Related reading

• The Relationship Bill of Rights – Eve Rickert