Published in 2018, Kevin Patterson’s Love’s Not Color Blind is a landmark because it broke the silence around race in polyamorous communities. While most poly books before this one framed non-monogamy as a universal project of freedom and abundance, Patterson asked a simple but devastating question: whose freedom, and at whose expense?

What It’s About

The book mixes memoir, cultural critique, and community ethnography. Patterson draws on his lived experience as a Black man in mostly white poly spaces, alongside stories and insights from other people of colour.

Core themes include:

• Racism in poly spaces. From fetishisation of Black and brown bodies to exclusion from community leadership.
• Privilege and invisibility. How white poly folks often treat race as irrelevant, assuming polyamory itself is automatically progressive.
• Intersectionality. How race, gender, class, and queerness intersect to shape who gets visibility, who feels safe, and whose voices are amplified.
• Action steps. Concrete advice for building poly communities that are not just “open” but genuinely inclusive.

Strengths

• Groundbreaking lens. This was the first widely read book to explicitly tackle race and polyamory together.
• Direct and uncompromising. Patterson doesn’t soften his critique, but he delivers it with clarity and care.
• Practical guidance. From allyship to community organising, it’s not just a call-out — it’s a call-forward.

Weaknesses

• Not a general primer. If you’re brand new to poly, this isn’t the place to start; it assumes familiarity with the basics.
• Community-focused. The strongest material is about group dynamics and culture, less about one-on-one relationship mechanics.
• Confronting. Some readers may feel defensive; others may find the reality Patterson describes depressingly familiar.

Why It Still Matters

Polyamory can’t claim to be ethical if it ignores race. Love’s Not Color Blind insists that inclusivity isn’t optional — it’s essential. For BIPOC readers, it validates experiences of marginalisation in “progressive” spaces. For white readers, it’s a mirror that challenges them to move beyond passive good intentions.

In many ways, this book did for race in poly what The Ethical Slut did for sexuality: it made the invisible visible and gave language to what so many people had been feeling all along.