This code is not a badge. It is a compass. You’re not expected to be perfect, only present. In this space, what you do matters—but who you are, even more so.

Purpose of This Code

This code is a living guide for those who choose to step into the role of Guardian at play parties, intimate gatherings, and events centered around consent, vulnerability, and embodied exploration. It is not a rulebook—it is an invitation to reflection, presence, and deep care.

It may be given to you by a host. You may find it on your own. You may share it with your team or your friends. It is written for Guardians—but it can also be read by guests. We are all responsible for the spaces we help co-create.

What is a Guardian?

A Guardian is a grounded, approachable presence who helps keep the emotional, physical, and energetic space safe. Guardians are not police. They are not the stars of the show. They are the pulse-checkers. The subtle watchers. The ones who can hold space quietly—or step in gently when something feels off.

They may sit near the play space, float through the crowd, or be stationed near the quiet room. Their presence is calming, engaged, and attuned. They are trusted—not because they are perfect—but because they are accountable.

Responsibilities of a Guardian

Presence Over Performance

• Be approachable, not authoritative.
• Let your body language, tone, and energy signal safety.
• Remain observant without intruding.

Attunement and Awareness

• Read the room energetically and visually.
• Check in with those who seem uneasy, uncertain, or overwhelmed.
• Notice what is not being said.

Gentle Intervention

• Step in if boundaries are being violated, consent is unclear, or someone appears unsafe.
• Use the least disruptive method possible.
• Focus on de-escalation, not punishment.

Confidentiality and Discretion

• Never gossip about what you see or hear.
• If someone shares something with you in confidence, protect that trust.
• Only break confidentiality if someone is at risk of serious harm—and even then, do so with care and support.

Communication and Clarity

• Be clear about your role and limitations.
• Know when to refer to a host, therapist, or other support.
• Reflect and debrief with fellow guardians when possible.

Boundaries and Integrity

• You are not obligated to fix everything.
• You are not required to engage beyond your emotional or energetic capacity.
• You may say no. You may take a break.

Self-Care as a Guardian

If you are dysregulated, exhausted, triggered, or otherwise emotionally off-center—you cannot hold space for others with clarity.

• Check in with yourself before the party: Am I grounded?
• Check in during: Do I need to step away and breathe?
• Check in after: Do I need support, decompression, or reflection?

You are a vessel—not an infinite well. Protect your capacity so you can show up fully.

Ethics, Power, and Ego

Being a Guardian can feel powerful. You are trusted. You are visible. You are sometimes the one people turn to in crisis. And that power can become seductive. Stay humble.

Guardianship is about service, not status.

• Never use your role to gain sexual access, social capital, or prestige.
• Do not dominate or control others under the guise of safety.
• If you make a mistake—own it. Repair it. Learn from it.

If power is more important to you than care, you should not be a Guardian.

Intersectionality and Inclusivity

Every person brings layers of lived experience: race, gender identity, disability, neurodivergence, trauma history, cultural background, language, and more.

• Do not assume someone’s needs based on how they look or speak.
• Approach each person as unique.
• Learn how systemic dynamics shape interpersonal safety.

The Guardian’s Toolbox

In addition to intuition and training, here are practices Guardians can use:

Grounding Techniques

• Breathe slowly and deeply.
• Scan your own body for tension.
• Touch something solid—wall, floor, chair.

Non-Verbal Support

• Make eye contact and offer a warm smile.
• Sit nearby without words.
• Offer a glass of water or a blanket.

Scene Check-Ins

• Approach gently: “Hey, just checking in—how are things going?”
• Never assume you know what’s happening.
• Respect all responses, including “We’re good, thanks.”

Micro-Actions Before / During / After

Before:

• Am I grounded and emotionally clear?
• Do I know who’s on my team?
• Am I ready to listen more than I speak?

During:

• Am I visible but not intrusive?
• Have I made space for guests to approach me?
• Am I modulating my tone, energy, and presence?

After:

• Have I debriefed with someone I trust?
• Am I reflecting on what went well—and what didn’t?
• Did I show up in alignment with my intentions?

This Code is an Invitation

This isn’t the end. It’s a beginning. Revisit this often. Reflect. Breathe. Grow. Guardian isn’t a title. It’s a way of being.

Guardianship is not just what you do at a party—it’s who you are becoming. Not every moment will be perfect. But if you lead with curiosity, compassion, and courage, you will be of service. And that is everything.

 

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A downloadable version of this code is available as a PDF. Share it. Adapt it. Live it.